Core Insights

• A new way to negotiate
• Look forward, not back

Whether you’re a business owner, school teacher, or doctor - negotiation is an important skill. You don’t need to know all the right words. You don’t need to be good at talking. You certainly don’t need to speak the queen’s english. A little knowledge and awareness goes a long way.

A New Way to Negotiate

There’s a new way to negotiate. A way that lets everyone win. It’s called “Principled Negotiation.”

It was created by the Harvard Negotiation Project.

Getting to Yes by Roger Fisher and William Ury outlines it in detail.

There are four parts to this new way of negotiation.

1. Separate people from problems. Focus only on the issue, not who is involved. This avoids hurt feelings and helps solve the problem.
2. Focus on interests, not positions. Think about why people want what they want, not just what they say they want. This helps find solutions everyone likes.
3. Invent options for mutual gain. Work together to find solutions that benefit everyone. This approach is about teamwork and achieving shared goals.
4. Use objective criteria. Make decisions based on clear and fair rules, like standard prices, facts, or laws. Typically, this approach leads to solutions that sit well with everyone involved.

I recently used this strategy to negotiate a real estate transaction. It actually worked! I'm representing some buyers that are pending on a lake home. They did an inspection. Let's just say they found a few issues.

They asked the seller to fix the issues. The seller said no and that they would instead lower the price by a small amount. This upset the buyer. The buyer then said that the only way they would move forward is if the seller reduced the price by $100,000. I had the honor to present this to the listing agent and seller.

I separated the people from the problem. I focused on everyone's interest. I helped create a solution that worked for all parties. I used objective criteria from the inspection report to make our case. It worked! I recorded the phone call. If you'd like to hear the live negotiation, send me an email and I'll respond with the audio file.

Look Forward, Not Back

Look forward, not back. It is surprising how often we simply react to what someone else has said or done. Two people will often fall into a pattern of discourse that resembles a negotiation, but really has no such purpose whatsoever. They disagree with each other over some issue, and the talk goes back and forth as though they were seeking agreement. In fact, the argument is being carried on as a ritual, or simply a pastime. Each is engaged in scoring points against the other or in gathering evidence to confirm views about the other that have long been held and are not about to change. Neither party is seeking agreement or is even trying to influence the other. - Pg. 74 (ebook)

In other words:

• When people argue (or negotiate), they often wait for “their turn” to speak.
• People want to be “right” and feel validated.
• This can prohibit us from coming to an agreement
• It can make it hard to move forward.

This stood out to me because I struggle with this. It might be human nature. Now that I’m aware of this tendency, I’m going to start looking forward.

Core Insights

• A new way to negotiate
• Look forward, not back

Click here to get a copy of Getting to Yes.